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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 22, 2016 11:34pm-12:38am EDT

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here are the actual highs. 98 for philadelphia. sunny skies across the weekend. no rain relief in the forecast. most of the area will be in the mid to upper 90s along the shore and the beaches, temperatures around 90 degrees, but yes, it's going to be dangerously hot with the humid its. stay hydrated. and clear the shelters is tomorrow. so if you want to come out to the animal shelter and adopt an animal, don't leave it in your car, it will be too hot. >> go to the shelter, cuddle will a puppy or cat and take one home. for all of us here, good night [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- simon cowell, lilly singh, penn & teller,
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and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 506! new brunswick! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! that's what i'm talking about right there. that is a hot crowd. the best, the best. thank you so much. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. that's what it's all about. here's what people are talking about. of course, last night was the end of the republican national
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convention, and now it's the time for the republicans to sit back, reflect and say, "well, that was weird." [ laughter and applause ] that's right, the republican national convention came to a a close last night, as donald trump formally accepted his nomination for president. although i thought it was a a little much that they did it by paul ryan giving him a rose. [ laughter and applause ] it was beautiful. donald trump released some of his remarks ahead of his big speech last night and presented himself as the champion of the forgotten men and women of our country. then he said, "and if you don't believe me, just look at all the has-beens that appeared on 'celebrity apprentice'." [ laughter ] [ applause ] talk about forgotten men and women. when's the last time you saw this person? and earlier this week, trump's son eric gave a big speech of his own, where he told the crowd to vote for his dad, because he's the candidate who doesn't need the job. [ laughter ] then he said, "speaking of people who don't need jobs, how about another round of applause for me and my brother don jr." [ applause ] "i mean, we don't need jobs either. we're never worried about it."
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and get this, i saw that earth, wind and fire tweeted that the convention's use of their song "september" was unauthorized. not because they disagree with the republican party's policies, they disagree with the republican party's dancing. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i started getting the good dance at the end. i was getting good. my roll, i started to get a a good roll at the end. can't keep the rhythm out of me. i can't help it. [ light laughter ] it seems like so much happened this week at the convention, it could be kind of hard to keep up. well, we've got you covered in a segment called "the tonight show recap." here you go. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> we're going to unleash. >> lebron james. >> to help us. >> protect america. >> from a giant. >> caterpillar. >> on steroids. >> because. >> if we failed. >> to understand. >> this. >> we must. >> ask yourselves. >> are we crazy? >> jimmy: there we go. pretty much sums it up. >> steve: that's it. >> jimmy: it's a recap. here's a little celebrity news. i heard kim kardashian will executive produce a new reality show where beauty bloggers compete for the chance to work for the kardashians. yeah. it's just like "the apprentice" and -- oh, my god, kim's going to be the president of the united states. [ laughter and applause ] i just realized. "make america gross again." [ laughter ] matt damon said, in a new interview, that he only has 25 lines of dialogue in the new movie "jason bourne." yeah. when asked how he feels about that, he said -- [ laughter ] this is cool, i heard about a
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a company here in new york that is now offering coffee mixed with alcohol. [ cheers ] or as dads call that, coffee. [ laughter ] guys, i saw that a rare white lion cub was born at a zoo in texas last week. yeah, in fact it's so white, it actually spoke last night at the republican convention. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: rare. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: very white. >> steve: i missed that. >> jimmy: very, very white. >> steve: i must have missed that. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] white lion. >> jimmy: finally, here at "the tonight show" you guys know we love art. well, we also love technology and the internet. so, we thought it would be fun to combine the two by taking classic paintings and pairing them with internet memes. it's a new segment called "the memeing of art." ♪ memeing of art >> jimmy: now our first painting is "the scream." very famous painting. let's take a look at the meme. when bae bring home the wrong flavor oatmeal.
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>> steve: oatmeal? >> jimmy: when bae -- yeah. >> steve: bae can't be doing that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the next painting is "washington crossing the delaware." the meme is, squad goals. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good squad. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: next is "the persistence of memory." the meme is, when you've been watching netflix for two days straight. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oy. >> jimmy: next we have "mona lisa." the meme is resting bitch face. [ laughter ] >> steve: i see that. i see what you did there. >> jimmy: next is "christina's world." the meme is, when your phone is at 2% and you left your charger at home. [ laughter and applause ] i'm trying to catch a pokemon. [ light laughter ] next is "the birth of venus." the meme is, i woke up like this.
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[ laughter and applause ] so hot. next up is "the last supper." the meme is #numnumnumnumnum. [ laughter ] and out final painting is "american gothic." and the meme is, when bae catch you texting your ex. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. there you go. that's "the memeing of art." we have great show. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice, mark. i like that. that was awesome, man. guys, we want to try this fun thing on the show next week. i'm going to need your help though. if you have a kid aged 10 or under, a child. >> steve: a child. >> jimmy: not a baby goat. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: no. >> steve: i was gonna say.
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>> jimmy: if you have a child aged 10 or under, i want you to have them write an original rap song. it doesn't have to have any music, just lyrics. it could be a couple lines or a a full song. it's totally up to them. and it could be about any topic that they want. when they are done, e-mail the lyrics to and we're gonna choose our favorites, then we'll perform them on the show. it will be fun. you'll see. [ cheers and applause ] i need your help to do it. so have them write it down. anything would be good. come back next week, our pal denis leary will be here on monday. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i love denis leary. we're gonna play a game of "catch phrase" with a couple of special guests. and later next week, michael fassbender, matt damon -- [ cheers and applause ] matt damon. [ cheers and applause ] will smith. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: and margot robbie will all be joining us. it's a hot week. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow, that's a hot week. >> jimmy: that will be great. but first, he's one of my favorites. he's the creator of the blockbuster "america's got talent" show. he's also its newest judge. simon cowell is here. [ cheers and applause ]
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my favorite. i always loved simon. he's the best. plus she's a youtube superstar. lilly singh is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] she is funny, funny, funny. not only is lilly here, but you may see her parents later in the show. and then they are by far my favorite -- would you call them magicians or illusionists? or -- >> steve: i would say magicians. >> jimmy: magicians. and there's always funny and topical and poignant and just i love them. every time they're here, they hit a homerun. penn & teller are here, you guys. >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: penn jillette. penn has a new book out. we're gonna talk about it. it's called "presto." and then they're going to do a a card trick, okay? that you can participate in at home. now all you need -- you're gonna need four playing cards that you don't mind ruining. okay? they should be four completely different cards, and they should not be the same suit or number. i'll let you pause the screen now, go get your cards. [ light laughter ] >> steve: do-do-do-do-do-do. ♪
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>> jimmy: we didn't need to pause. hey, welcome back. [ light laughter ] guys, today's friday, and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return some e-mails and of course i send out thank you notes. and i was just wondering -- [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind today. so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool with you guys? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] what's he looking at? >> steve: wow. he looks stoic. he's got his summertime suit on. >> jimmy: what was he looking at? he was looking somewhere else. [ laughter ] hunting pokemon. >> steve: he's a mystery. you think it's a pokemon? >> jimmy: hunting pokemon. yeah. >> steve: charizard. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, melania trump, for being a a third wife who gave a first lady speech for the second
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time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: it's a numbers game. >> jimmy: third wife? ♪ thank you, newt gingrich, for showing us what mike pence would look like as a cabbage patch doll. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's cute. >> steve: very cute. >> jimmy: very cute. >> steve: very cute. >> jimmy: and i know for a fact newt gingrich has xavier roberts tattooed on his butt. [ laughter ] that's a deep cut. a deep cut. any kid from the '80s knows what i'm talking about. that's how you know it was a a real cabbage patch, you pull the diaper down, it said -- >> steve: xavier roberts. >> jimmy: xavier roberts, right? [ laughter ] if it said like carl roberts, that's like a knock off. >> steve: not a real cabbage patch doll. >> jimmy: no, that's like -- >> steve: it's a lettuce patch doll. >> jimmy: it's a lettuce patch doll, yeah. >> steve: those were the worst. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, diarrhea outbreak at the republican national convention, or as they
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say in cleveland, "the browns are running out of the tunnel." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: okay, okay. ♪ >> steve: ladies and gentlemen, accepting the award. dave thomas ballot! that was a bowl game? [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank, you fly swatter, for combining my two favorite things, tennis and murder. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, waiting
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for my dentist, for giving me the chance to find out what happened in "time" magazine four months ago. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: it happened again? >> jimmy: i guess we're going back into space. check out what jupiter's all about. ♪ thank you, smooth peanut butter, for being peanut butter that knows how to talk to the ladies. >> steve: yeah! wow wow. ♪ >> steve: i'm chunkie. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, cliffhangers for -- [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ gotta get back in time gotta go back in time ♪
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>> steve: what's happening? >> jimmy: it's friday, man. time to party. >> steve: it's friday, man! friday's a party. it's america. >> jimmy: party on, dwayne. >> steve: party on, barth. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, grapes, or as i like to call you, raisin water balloons. there you go, everybody. those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with simon cowell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ wild mustangs... i can't believe we live in the middle of all this. they're supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. really...? i read that once. state farm knows that for every one of those moments, there's one of these... wild mustangs?!? i can't believe we live in the middle of all this! they're supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. really?
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♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest created the global "got talent" format, which is the most successful reality television format of all time. this season he joins the panel as the newest judge on the very popular "america's got talent," which airs tuesday and wednesday nights at 8:00 p.m. right here on nbc, with live shows beginning next tuesday, july 26th. please welcome the one and only simon cowell.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: they love you. we love you. hey, good to see you, buddy. >> i love america. >> jimmy: i missed you. america loves you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i haven't seen you in a long time. i want to say congratulations. you're a first time father. >> you didn't return my phone calls. >> jimmy: i didn't return your phone calls. that's right. yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] you're a first time father? >> yeah, this wasn't something that i was expecting. [ laughter ] but, you know, it's all been good. what i did was, i practiced by getting some puppies first. [ light laughter ] i did, i thought i'll get two puppies. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then i'm used to looking after things. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they were called squiddly and diddly. [ light laughter ] true. and then eric arrived about six
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months later. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so thanks to squiddly and diddly, they're here -- yeah. you have a son now. a boy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how have you taken to fatherhood? are you good at it? you feel like you got it on -- >> well, i wasn't to begin with. i thought he was going to be like a puppy. [ laughter ] no, i really did. i thought you could -- >> jimmy: like which one? squiddly or diddly? >> more like squiddly. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you could throw things and then he would run to you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he would retrieve the stuff you throw? >> yeah. >> jimmy: no, yeah. >> i thought, you know -- up to three months. and after eight months, i said to lauren one night, i think he hates me. [ laughter ] yeah, because he didn't do anything. and then one day, i think he was watching me on tv, and then he kind of got me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we sort of got this communication and then he started talking to me. and now we're buddies. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and now you're bonding with him. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you watching the same cartoons i'm watching? i have a 3-year-old -- >> he's one half year old, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, well, i saw -- >> jimmy: "dora the explorer"? >> "dora the bloody explorer." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking
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about, she's beloved. >> not by me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. [ laughter ] >> if you've never seen it before, they just say the same thing over and over and over again. >> jimmy: no, yeah. >> so after about three months -- dora's gone on a long holiday and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i've watched all that. >> -- got lost and won't be coming back. >> jimmy: i think i've watched it so many times that now i kind of -- in an insane way, i look forward to it. >> but it's the same show in every single thing. it's like gates, and swimming and that weird fox thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: swiper. >> swiper. >> jimmy: that's right, yeah. [ laughter ] but the worst part is -- do you ever do this when you answer the questions? they're like -- [ laughter ] they're like a, b, what comes after b? and i go, c! [ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: and they go like, let me have one thing, dad. [ light laughter ] >> it's designed to make you like, two years old again. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't like barney. i don't like barney in the house. i don't even know if that's on any more. >> that's the dinosaur. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i'm not crazy about that. >> jimmy: i don't like the songs. >> the songs are terrible. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] dora's actually got some decent songs. >> no. [ light laughter ]
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>> jimmy: no, it's the best. >> name me one good dora song. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: one. ♪ i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he's the map [ laughter ] all right, i can't even do it. >> you're right. >> jimmy: i'm sorry to every parent out there. >> they were actually playing along. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. it's hypnotizing. you just sit there and go, oh my god, what happened to a half hour of my life, it's gone. [ light laughter ] we watch that, we watch "team umizoomi." >> what? >> jimmy: that's a decent one. that's got a cool -- it's -- ♪ la la la la la la la la we are team umizoomi la la la la la la la la ♪ and it teaches math and stuff. >> yeah, i'll pass on that one. >> jimmy: okay, no problem. [ light laughter ] "peppa pig." is that big? >> "peppa pig's" huge. [ cheers ] only lasts ten minutes, which is good. >> jimmy: it's fantastic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they love that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and of course, "sesame street." >> yeah, i love "sesame street." >> jimmy: you cannot beat "sesame street." oh, you know what's great? "sesame street live." i know it might sound like a a nightmare to you. >> can they play it? >> jimmy: no, no, no. i'm saying, just going to see them live. >> give me another song. >> jimmy: uh -- ♪ backpack backpack [ laughter ]
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>> it's the same song. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's the same song. [ laughter ] >> it's dora again. >> jimmy: it's awful. it really is awful. oh my god. >> "jungle book," that's good. >> jimmy: yes. i haven't gone up to -- >> "bear necessities." >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> come on. >> jimmy: the roots can play it and -- >> look for the -- >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] bare necessities. am i taking requests now? >> you only know your songs. >> jimmy: it's my show. i mean, no, please, hello. >> i get it. >> jimmy: "america's got talent." >> yeah. >> jimmy: number one show, biggest show on nbc. thank you very much for believing in that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i appreciate it. i watch every year, and i love it. and i love that you're back on television. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we love you. at first we love to hate you, and now we love to love you. >> okay. >> jimmy: because we trust you. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah. but -- >> i've always loved you. >> jimmy: thank you. we've always had a good bond. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but i watched "america's got talent," and it's good. and you also have "britain's got talent." >> yeah. >> jimmy: who has more talent?
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[ laughter ] >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: when in rome. when in rome. >> all right, america. >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, dora. >> but we're close. but i have to tell you, you guys have the craziest contestants. [ light laughter ] now i have a theory. i'm like the crazy flame who attracts the crazy moths. all the crazy people in the world, they come on to our shows. >> jimmy: yeah. they do. >> i love it. >> jimmy: yeah, i mean -- we have had some of the best -- i mean, we've had pants on the ground guy -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean -- all the fun guys that come after you? this year you got -- tape mouth or something? >> tape face. >> jimmy: tape face? yeah. >> i like him. >> jimmy: he was funny. >> yeah, really funny. >> jimmy: i really dug him. but there's really good talented musicians this year, which i would much rather see. i love dogs and all that stuff. i don't want them winning the competition. [ light laughter ] i just feel like, what do you do with that gig? i mean, i -- >> i'd like to find a singing dog.
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[ light laughter ] i really mean that. >> jimmy: that's actually not bad. >> great, anyone -- >> jimmy: i don't know if i'd be out with the wife and go like, hey, what do you want to do? let's go see some dog jump through -- [ light laughter ] >> well, if you have a dog that would sing, i think your wife would like to see it. if anyone's watching who's got a singing dog, we're auditioning for next year. [ laughter ] and i'm being serious. >> jimmy: but there's a singing human on the show that i love. [ laughter ] this is much more easier to sell. but this girl is adorable. you know who i'm talking about, the little girl -- >> grace. >> jimmy: yes, grace van -- >> amazing. >> jimmy: what's somebody -- >> vanderwaal. >> jimmy: vanderwaal. >> yeah. she's 12 years old, she's incredible. >> jimmy: and you said -- you see this thing and it's like goosebumps. she sang an original song, where she's like, okay, it's going to be cute, it's going to be on the map. >> i'm the map. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and it wasn't -- she sang some beautiful songs. she has a great voice. >> with a ukelele. >> jimmy: i would like -- my eyes welling up. i was like, wow, this is powerful. and you said, i think you're going to be the next taylor swift. >> absolutely right. >> jimmy: and that was a good call. [ applause ] >> she's great. and she's really cute, and --
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>> jimmy: so cute, yeah. >> she's sweet. she's got great songs. and the one thing i wanted to do on the show this year was i wanted to attract more singers. and luckily, that happened. we have some really good singers, you'll see it in the finals next week. >> jimmy: yeah. and it's also, i'd like to see, you know -- i want to see the family. i like to see where they came from. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like to see them rooting for them backstage, and it's just good. and i think -- >> it's feel good. >> jimmy: it really is feel good tv and i love it. i want to show a clip with some highlights of this season of "america's got talent." take a look at this. ♪ something's gotta give something's gotta give something's gotta give let the bodies ♪ ♪ hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor ♪ >> john, you are an animal. >> thank you. ♪ i now know my name i don't play by the rules of the game ♪ ♪ so you say i'm not trying
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to find my way ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> grace, you know what i predict for you? i think you're the next little taylor swift. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much. >> wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love it. i love the show. i love you. simon cowell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] watch "america's got talent," tuesday and wednesday nights, 8:00 p.m. right here on nbc. we'll be right back with lilly singh. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is the star and creator of one of the most popular channels on youtube, where she's known as "superwoman." she has over 9 million subscribers and over one billion views.
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everyone, please welcome the very talented lilly singh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. welcome. >> they're so good. >> jimmy: you can't beat the roots. >> the best. the best. >> jimmy: come on, the roots are the best. you look gorgeous. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: welcome back. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back. oh, please, please, please. you have fans all over the world. so i know we, the last time we had you on, everyone was going crazy online. and again it's happening because they just love you. and well, you do good. >> aww, try to keep going. >> jimmy: yeah, you're great at what you do. i mean these numbers are crazy. over 1.3 billion views. you're one of "time magazine's" 30 most influential people on the internet. and then, what was a cool thing
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that happened, the rock, we love dwayne johnson. he was starting his -- he was starting his youtube channel and he asked you for advice. >> yeah, it was super cool. it was the first video on his channel. and he collaborated for a video on my channel and so it was like this cool, like, let me teach you how to be a youtube star, but really i'm just hitting on him the whole time. [ light laughter ] so the whole time i'm just trying to kiss him and trying to hug him. so just really just being myself more than anything. >> jimmy: yeah. i love that -- i tried to learn the secret handshake. >> you nailed it. i think you did so well. >> jimmy: no, let's try it again. [ cheers and applause ] do it slow. >> okay, slow. here you go, ready? >> jimmy: that's the problem. >> i think you nailed it. >> jimmy: yeah, all right. all right, that one was much better. if we do it in fast -- we just speed it up, it will look like i totally nail it. >> i created it at my meet and greet. i didn't realize that it was gonna add like two hours onto my meet and greets because people come up to me. >> jimmy: 'cause, everyone has to do it. >> they do it, but then they'll like, no, no, no, one more time. one more time. and i'm like, okay. and it's like buffering in real life, they're like -- and i'm like, you can do it.
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i believe in you. >> jimmy: buffering in real life. it's a very exciting year for you, cause you're in -- you're a voice in "ice age," which is out right now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're in -- it's a giant cartoon. >> it's cool. i play two mini-corns. so the two twins that are unicorns. and okay, when you watch it you can judge for yourself. but i feel like they look like me. [ audience awws ] i really do. >> jimmy: really? >> i feel like it's the closest to motherhood i'll ever get. like they look like me. >> jimmy: no, well i hope that had -- >> my mom at home is like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how is your mom doing, by the way? >> great. thanks. they're excited. they're great. they're supportive now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're supportive now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they got to be psyched. 'cause you're in "ice age." you're in "bad moms." i should say you're in "bad moms" as well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you started this thing, it's called girl love. >> yes. >> jimmy: tell me about it. >> girl love is a cause i really believe about. it's to tackle the cycle of girl on girl hate, which i feel is so common amongst the younger generation of females. >> jimmy: very recently too. >> and so the idea behind girl
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love is to make it cool to compliment other women and build them up, as opposed to the idea of making girls hate each other. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i totally agree with that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: as the father of two daughters. yeah. >> it's fun. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. yeah. >> of course. thank you. i think it's important. >> jimmy: so it's called girl love. and i -- you have something that you're going to announce on our show. it's giant news, which i knew but i didn't talk to you about this. >> well it's okay. well you know, i've been wanting to do this for a long time. and my audience has been like, what's this announcement? and i'm so excited to finally announce -- [ drum roll ] that i am officially releasing my first book, tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lilly! ♪ [ applause ] >> cool. yeah. >> jimmy: that's big. >> it's exciting. thank you. it's called "how to be a a bawse." >> jimmy: say it again? >> "how to be a bawse." >> jimmy: a bawse. >> bawse. >> jimmy: no, a boss. >> no, 'cause is b-o-s-s. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> this is b-a-w-s-e. so not just someone at work, but someone in their personal life. with their relationships, how they communicate, how they deal
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with conflict, someone who doesn't just survive but conquers life. really exudes confidence. gets hurt efficiently. hustles hard and just makes stuff happen. >> jimmy: a bawse. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] "how to be a bawse." >> yeah, and it comes out in march. but you can preorder it right now at >> jimmy: and it's good for this generation, too. 'cause if you -- if you work hard, you can be lilly singh. >> because i -- well i think they could be themselves, which is kind of better. but i will say -- >> jimmy: yeah. that's what i meant to say. [ laughter ] >> but i will say, i completed -- >> jimmy: am i in this book? i just got cut out. >> you are, actually. >> jimmy: i'm in it? >> you are. there's a chapter about first impressions. and i did write about you based off the first time we ever met, because you left such an impression on me. >> jimmy: i did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: a very -- you liked it? >> thank you. >> jimmy: a nice one i'm hoping. >> on that note -- no, it's 100% nice. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you. >> yeah. or else -- or else i might be lying too. or else i wouldn't say the opposite if i were on the show. but yeah. [ laughter ] obviously i'm not gonna say if it's bad on the show. but no, it's very nice.
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and i think exactly what you said. i will be the first to call out my generation. i think sometimes we get really super easily validated. you know, we go on social media, and there's a cute tumblr quote telling us we're special. and we're like, okay. we'll just dream our dreams. and i'm just like, no. i want to bring back the art of working hard for your dreams. you know what i mean? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: work. >> work. ♪ work work work work work ♪ >> jimmy: and, you almost slipped in to your mom character. you do your parents, it's the funniest thing. i love it. you know i love it. every time i ask you to do it. but, your parents -- the last time you were on our show, you did a thing of your parents watching your episode of you on "the tonight show" and then judging you. and -- is it based -- it's not really based on your real parents though, right? >> it's based on, like, every parent i've ever met. every mom i've ever met. every dad i've ever met. it's based on all of our parents. really. >> jimmy: i think you should do a type of, like, "my big fat greek wedding" mixed with the
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clumps, where you do all the characters and it's my big indian wedding. >> oh yeah. >> jimmy: and i'm telling you -- >> that cast would be longer than "game of thrones." [ laughter ] indian wedding. all the people at an indian wedding. >> jimmy: i know, and it would just be beautiful and it would be so funny, and i want to see you do all those characters. so if someone out there wants to make a film with you know who, you got to see her do this. it's just fantastic. in fact, i met your parents earlier today, you introduced me to them. and i want to talk about that when we come back. >> yeah. >> jimmy: more with lilly singh when we come back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ and these are the lungs. (boy) sorry. (dad) don't worry about it. (vo) at our house, we need things that are built to last.
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that's why we got a subaru. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. is depression more than sadness? ♪ it's a tangle of multiple symptoms. ♪ ♪ trintellix (vortioxetine) is a prescription medicine for depression. trintellix may start to untangle or help improve the multiple symptoms of depression. for me, trintellix made a difference. tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. trintellix has not been studied in children. do not take with maois. tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition.
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increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners. manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. may cause low sodium levels. the most common side effects are nausea, constipation and vomiting. trintellix did not have significant impact on weight. ask your healthcare professional if trintellix could make a difference for you. just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. not yet, i'm... folding the laundry! can you?
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who do you talk to for military advice right now? i'm hillary clinton and i approved this message. well, i watch the shows.
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i mean i really see a lot of great - you know, when you watch your show and all of the other shows... while donald trump watched tv, as secretary of state, hillary clinton negotiated a cease fire in gaza. a reduction in nuclear weapons... took on vladimir putin... and stood up against the trafficking of human beings. a steady leader in an unsteady world. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's not bad. that's nice, that's nice right there. you see that movie -- yeah. [ cheers ] >> oh, snap. >> jimmy: yeah, that's it, yeah. welcome back, everybody, we're hanging out with lilly singh right here, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] i saved "bad moms." we got to talk about everything. i was just saying i got to hang out with lilly's parents earlier, i got to meet them.
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thank you for introducing me to those guys. i know they're fans of the show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they watch the show, at least. >> thanks so much for doing that, that was super cool of you. >> jimmy: yeah, they were -- they're really nice. [ light laughter ] they're really nice people, we just had a -- we had an interesting interaction. >> oh. >> jimmy: it's interesting, we actually videotaped the entire meeting. [ laughter ] >> oh. really? >> jimmy: i'd like to show it to everyone, here. >> oh, this is news to me. >> jimmy: please take a look at this. >> jimmy, what's up. >> jimmy: lilly. >> hi. >> hi. >> jimmy: thanks so much for being on the show tonight. >> are you kidding me? it's totally my pleasure. listen, i know you're really busy doing a bunch of stuff, but my parents are here, and they're huge fans. come and say hi? >> jimmy: please, i'd love to meet them. >> thank you. >> jimmy: come on, send them in. >> come on in. this is my mom. >> hello, jimmy. >> that's my dad. >> hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hi. it's a pleasure. >> look at this guy, huh? you see this, i told you we look-alike, okay?
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we look like identical twins. with jimmy, even i can't tell the difference. >> all right, well i'm going to finish getting ready, but have fun. [ whispering ] don't embarrass me. >> don't be dumb. you would never do you like this. jimmy, we love your show. it's our favorite. we watch every single night. >> jimmy: thank you so much, that means a lot. i appreciate it. >> we have a couple suggestions on how to improve. just small things, small things. super, super small. >> jimmy: sure. >> you want to get pen and paper? >> jimmy: i can probably just remember it. >> grab a pen and paper, okay. don't be rude. [ laughter ] number one, your laugh. it sounds like a hyena. kind of like -- [ laughter ] like that. no, it's more like -- so much clapping, also. >> jimmy: okay, okay, i get it. i get it. >> somebody has little bit of temper.
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also, the clothes are boring, man. okay, every night, the same suit. >> jimmy: it's kind of what -- >> i suggest showing a little chest hair like me. trust me, the ladies love it. >> jimmy: i don't know if that's my -- >> do we interrupt you when you're speaking? every friday you say sorry for being late. and then you ask us to do thank you notes, why you can't organize time better? we watch your show. time management is very important. can you make your job, what's the word -- funnier? why do you love everything? nobody love everything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think i have to get -- >> shut your mouth. can you do one show where the roots play the entire time? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what would i do? >> i guess you could stay at home. it doesn't really matter. >> hey, i'm back. how is everything going? >> great. >> great. >> jimmy: great. >> great. thanks so much, jimmy. all right, let's go. bye. >> good-bye mr. kimmel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's fallon. >> there's that temper again. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: who can do that? that's amazing, how was that? you're amazing. you're so much fun. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: come back any time. >> i know. >> jimmy: i love you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: my thanks to lilly singh and her parents. [ cheers and applause ] penn & teller are about to do an amazing card trick. get out your cards, and we'll see you after the break, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ take on any road with intuitive all-wheel drive. the nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. now get 0% apr for 72 months, plus $500 bonus cash. ♪
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at the the lincoln summer init's time to relax.t, from the moment you take your foot off the brake, the brake stays engaged and you stay put. taking the legwork out of stop and go traffic. and even hills. that's the more human side of engineering.
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this is the lincoln summer invitation, hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers. lease a lincoln mkx for $349 a month or get 0% apr for 60 months and just announced $1,000 summer invitation bonus. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are one of the greatest acts around. you can currently see them wednesday nights at 8:00 p.m. on the cw show "penn & teller fool us." and penn's new book, "presto!", is available on august 2nd. let's hear it for penn & teller, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome back. congratulations on your new book. >> well, thank you. thank you so much. >> jimmy: i appreciate this. it's how you lost over 100 pounds. >> over 100 pounds. i lost -- >> jimmy: you look fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] >> i lost almost your full weight. or at least what your weight should be.
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i lost all of that. >> jimmy: thank you for that. thank you. yeah. you wrote it to inspire other people out there? just so we -- >> yes, yes, not for medical advice. if you take your medical advice from a las vegas magician, you deserve to die. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. that's not a good thing. >> so this is just kind of what happened with me. how'd it go. >> jimmy: it's fantastic. now what trick are we doing today? >> i got a trick, everybody can do this at home. all of you here can do it in the studio. all of you at home. roots can do it. so four cards. four different cards. here's four for you right here. >> jimmy: okay, very good. >> follow along with us. this is a penn & teller love ritual. if you follow this perfectly you will receive love. not a replacement for grinder or tinder, it works in conjunction with those. [ laughter ] pick your four cards just like this. right in front of you right here. rip them right in half. rip 'em. rip 'em right along the center. right there. now, you get four half cards in one hand, four half cards in the other. you don't know the order, the pattern, or anything. >> jimmy: no. >> put one group of four on top of the other group of four just like that. >> jimmy: okay. >> you all with me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> now let's follow this together. take the top card! put it on the bottom! nicely done.
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take the top two cards! put them on the bottom. now, fan them out like this, you can kind of see their backs. and take the top three cards -- just three, exactly three. be careful they stick together. top three cards and put them in the middle. but you have a choice of a lot of middle. not the bottom. the middle, you have a choice. whatever it be different. choose any middle you want. slide 'em right in there, just like that. now, take the top card -- do not look at it ! don't look at it! >> jimmy: i'm not looking at it. >> and put it close to your heart. let it feel your loving heartbeat. let it feel that heartbeat. that's your secret love. that's your secret share. do this at home, put it right near your heart. >> jimmy: is that close enough? >> yeah, does that stay there? >> jimmy: no. >> okay, well, put it -- put it near -- put it some place that's near your heart. [ laughter ] it will be safe there. [ cheers ] now you've got to look into your own hearts and decide how much bad love you've had in your life on a scale of one to three. if you've had very little bad love in your life you'll take one card. if you've had so-so bad love, 'bout equal good equal bad, you'll take two cards. and if your love life has stink, stank, stunk, you'll take three cards.
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on a scale of one to three how many bad love you got. how much bad cards, take that number and throw them away, you don't need 'em. that's bad love! get rid of it, throw it away! that's bad love, it's gone forever! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who's going to clean all this up when you guys split? >> now true love, as you know, takes time to fester. we're going to go through a a symbolic week. right now. everybody do this at home. take the top card, call that monday! put it on the bottom. next card, tuesday! put that on the bottom. wednesday! put that on the bottom. thursday! put it on the bottom. friday! >> jimmy: friday! >> put that on the bottom. saturday! >> jimmy: sat -- >> put that on the bottom. sunday! put it on the bottom. now we're gonna get down to one card. they all have a different number of cards. you threw out different love. so some of you will be done earlier than others. but go until you have one card left. that top card that's love's me! put it on the bottom. that could be the one. next card, loves me not! you don't need it! throw it in the trash. get rid of it.
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>> jimmy: loves me not. >> loves me not, it's gone. [ light laughter ] next card is loves me. put that on the bottom. next card is loves me not! throw it away, we don't need it! [ laughter ] we feel you, brother. we've all been there. haven't we? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> loves me! put on the bottom! loves me not! swipe left on that bastard. [ laughter ] loves me! put it on the bottom. loves me not! never needed it, never will. get rid of it. loves me! put on the bottom. loves me not! throw it away. we're all down to one. we're all down to one. just one. don't look at it! don't you look at it! take the card next to your heart. take the card next to your heart, pull it up. don't look at it. hold them back to back. hold them back to back. now in just a moment we're all going to look at them together. all over america. all of us together will look at them. if those cards happen to match, after all the shuffling, the combinations, the permutation. if those match you've experienced the miracle of love.
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and if you've experienced the miracle of love, wherever you are, even if you're at home alone, you yell out with us, "i found love," and hold your hands up over your head to prove you found it. okay, let's take a look, you ready? let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> i found love! >> jimmy: i found love! >> yes, you did my brother! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i did! i did! i found love. i found love. >> you match? you match? everybody matches. every single person matches. >> jimmy: i found love. >> every single person matches. nobody admits. anybody not find love? anybody not find love? anybody -- oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. quick, teller, teller. this guy, this guy has no match. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> jimmy, he has no match. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> why is that, jimmy? >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> why is that, roots? why doesn't it match. it couldn't be -- couldn't be -- you're too stupid to follow simple directions. [ laughter ] couldn't be that, could it jimmy? >> jimmy: no, it could not be that. >> couldn't be that, could it roots? >> the roots: no! >> couldn't be that, could it brothers and sisters. >> audience: no! >> i think i know what it is.
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you are going to die bitter and alone. >> jimmy: no. >> because the rest of us found love, and now you found it too. take those two. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> we all found love. >> jimmy: how cool. >> penn & teller's love ritual. >> jimmy: penn & teller, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] go see them live at the rio hotel in las vegas. we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen. the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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i survived breast cancer. if the doctors hadn't caught it early i might not be sitting here. so i'm outraged that pat toomey voted to defund planned parenthood... ...which thousands of pennsylvania women depend on for cancer screenings. pat toomey was even willing to shut down the federal government to eliminate funding for planned parenthood. shut down the government over planned parenthood? i think we ought to shut down pat toomey. women vote is responsible for the content of this advertising.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to simon cowell, lilly singh, penn & teller, once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- emma roberts, star of "animal kingdom," actor scott speedman, music from gnash, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and thomas lang. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, th meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] yeah! that's good to hear. in this case let's get to the news. donald trump will reportedly select a running mate by the end of the week. now, you're gonna want somebody who's different from you, so maybe a rational, well-spoken woman with experience in government. well, no, that's not going to work


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